A Word With Too Much Meaning
by xx-InvaderSamm-xx
Summary: Ranmaru Kurosaki has been through a lot in life and has experienced a lot of both happy and sad things. He feels as though life couldn't get any better than what it is, though he is proven both right and wrong. When he receives news on something drastically life changing, how will he cope with it? Will he hide it from his love? What hurts him more- lying.. Or knowing? RanmaruxReiji


Ranmaru Kurosaki had been through quite a bit in his lifetime. Being in a rock band, getting abandoned by his band mates, going solo and then getting roped into Quartet Night was just the beginning. He was a smoker, he was in a pretty steady relationship with his boyfriend of a year (Reiji Kotobuki) and he was fairly content with how things were going thus far.

However, he wasn't expecting this.

The silver haired man stared blankly at his hands, which in them was his cigarette pack- a recent one, as only four were missing. His eyes seemed trained on the white and red box, though he wasn't looking at it. Oh, no, his mind was going haywire with thought.

_"I usually don't nag people about this, but you must understand that you _must _quit smoking."_

He was sitting on his bed, leaning forward a bit with his elbows rested on his knees. Jinguji and Hijirikawa weren't in the room- he had kicked them out when he returned hours earlier- and Ranmaru was feeling quite lost. The lights were out and the room was getting rather dark, but he didn't care. He couldn't seem to make himself move.

Words were heavy at this point. Facts were meaningless. The memory of earlier that day seemed to be on replay in his mind. That single word that carried so much punch.

Cancer.

_"Your lung tissue is deteriorating rapidly. This is aggressive and... There's... We didn't catch it in time. You have lung cancer, Kurosaki Ranmaru. Stage three-b, meaning it has spread from one lung to the other and its lymph nodes."_

There was a single drop of liquid on the cellophane of the cigarette box he held. His eyes shut right then. He couldn't start crying- he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop. He was _dying_. But... He couldn't die. He didn't have time to die. There was still so much to do with Reiji, with Quartet Night, with his kouhais... Too much to do, too much to say, and yet, there wasn't nearly enough time.

_"It's spreading rapidly. If it continues at this rate... I'd estimate you have less than six weeks. If it speeds up from this aggressively rapid speed... Let's just hope it doesn't."_

He wouldn't even make it until the end of the year, according to the doctor. He was too far along for radiation or chemotherapy to be of help and, at this time, there wasn't a hope that he could see.

_"Try to live as much as you can... And lay off the cigarettes."_

* * *

><p>Ren knocked on Ichinose and Ittoki's door, waiting for less than one minute before the door was opened. He raised a brow at Otoya's disheveled appearance, though took note of his red nose and tired eyes. He appeared sick. Perhaps that was the reason practice was called off today.<p>

"Otoya," he said, nodding to the male, "Is Kotobuki-senpai in there?"

"Huuuuuuh?~" a familiar voice cooed, "I heard my naaaame! Ittoki-kun, go lay back down, I'll get this!"

The redhead groaned loudly but complied, trudging oh-so-gracefully (note the sarcasm) before plopping down face-first onto his bed. Soon after, the brunette was at the door with a smile on his face. "Ah! Ren-Ren! How are you?"

Ren gave him a smile and nodded. "Fairly well, though I do have a question."

Reiji tilted his head to the side, the smile not once leaving his face. "Oh? What is it?"

Jinguji bit the inside of his lip, trying not to let it show as he did so. He knew that someone might have been able to see that he looked fairly worried, though he hoped the senpai wouldn't notice just yet. He wasn't ready for someone to notice his disposition. But, if anyone knew the answer to his worries and problems, it would definitely by Reiji. After the no-romance rule was lifted, it was said that they almost immediately started a relationship- Reiji and Ranmaru- leading a great some to believe there was something there _before_ the rule was lifted seven months ago.

So of course, the person to go to would be the boyfriend.

"Kurosaki-senpai kicked Masa and me out of the room earlier and hasn't spoken a word since- not even when we knocked. Do you happen to know what would make him do that?" Ren asked, his brows furrowing.

Reiji's smile disappeared and a look of worry and confusion was instantly on his face. "I honestly don't have any idea. He hasn't even texted me since he left earlier..."

Ren shook his head, trying to ease the brunette's worries- if even a little. "He did say that he needed a nap earlier, so perhaps he's just been asleep. With how hard he sleeps, I wouldn't doubt it. I just wanted to be sure."

Kotobuki glanced behind him at the sick redhead, knowing he couldn't simply leave him. Tokiya wasn't back from his meeting with Natsuki and Syo yet, but he wanted to go check on his boyfriend quite badly. Instead, he simply put a smile on his face and nodded, though something didn't set right with him. "Yeah. If you find out, you should tell me, yeah?"

"I will," the strawberry blond said, bowing to his elder, "thank you for your time."

* * *

><p>Ranmaru woke up from a heavy sleep long before the alarm ever came on. The sun was just barely showing the faintest rays and he noticed that Ren and Masato were both in their beds sleeping peacefully. He didn't know when he went to sleep, when those two came back in, or even what happened to his cigarettes. The latter point he didn't care too much about, even though he did crave one quite badly at the moment. It was barely five in the morning, yet he couldn't fall back asleep.<p>

He knew he needed to change something with these final weeks he did have- not to mention Reiji was going to be very curious as to why he never texted yesterday.

Reiji...

Tears came to Ranmaru's eyes, falling out faster than he could stop them. He _couldn't _tell Reiji. He didn't want to be treated differently. He didn't want to worry him. He didn't want to make his usual happy demeanor change to depressed- because that's what would happen. He didn't want to leave him behind...

The silver haired man clenched his fists and used them to cover his eyes, taking steady breaths like the tears didn't make him hiccup because they honestly didn't. He angrily wiped at his cheeks and eyes, forcing the tears to go away. He knew he couldn't dwell on little things like that. He needed to do something in the time he had left- he _needed_ to make Reiji as happy as possible in this time. He wanted the brunette's final memories of him to be pleasant ones.

With his mind made up, he decided to put his plan into action- starting with a nice and warm shower to start off the day. Once he was out, he got dressed in fairly nice clothes- a pair of black jeans, a black and white checkered shirt, a loose red tie, and a black leather jacket over it. A pair of converse were on his feet and two chains were threaded from his belt loops above his front pockets to the belt loops above his back pockets.

As soon as he stepped out of the bathroom, the alarm screamed loudly saying _HEY IT'S SIX THIRTY NOW WAKE UP_, in its own annoying beeping way. The two kouhais were soon waking up and, from the looks of it, were startled to see that the silver-haired senpai was already awake and dressed. He turned the light on- receiving a groan from Ren- and scoffed a bit.

"Listen. Don't forget to practice today- even if it has to be on your own," he said, looking out the window. "I'll be back at five to help with that."

As he was headed for the door, Ren's voice was heard. "Are you feeling alright? You've never done that before."

Ranmaru paused, his hand on the doorknob. For once, he wanted to be completely honest and say something like _'no I'm dying'_ but he bit his tongue. Instead, he told the truth- just not the whole truth. "I feel bad for not taking Reiji out in a while and I plan on doing just that today."

Masato was the next to stop him from leaving. "He's looking after Ittoki-san. He was rather sick yesterday."

_So am I._ Kurosaki opened the door nonetheless and took a step out, looking back to his two kouhais. "Would you mind taking over until we return? Thanks," he shut the door before they could respond.

It didn't take him long to walk over to his boyfriend's shared room and, being as considerate as he could at the moment, he knocked rather softly on it. Ichinose was the one to answer, his face twisting to one of confusion- which made him rather annoyed. Yes, he usually didn't wake up early, but it wasn't _that_ much of a big deal for crying out loud!

"Is Reiji up yet?" he asked bluntly, shoving both of his hands into his pockets.

The other nodded and looked behind him before stepping out and closing the door most of the way behind him. "You had him very worried yesterday, senpai."

"Yeah, I've heard," he said, rolling his eyes a bit. "I was going to surprise him with a day together since we haven't gone out in a while.. Do you mind looking over the sick guy until Jinguji and Hijirikawa get over here to take over?"

The male raised an almost suspicious brow at this but nodded in response to the question. "Just.. Try not to worry him like that again, please? He got more annoying than Ittoki after a while."

"Hey! Don't say that about him with me right here!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN;<em>**_ Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction for UtaPri and I would definitely appreciate some feedback. The next chapter will be up in five days, so look forward to that! If you have any pointers or tips for me, I'd GREATLY appreciate that! Yeah, so I'll see you guys in five days!_


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